Lucas: Duffer-in-chief showdown

Forget the debate.

Donald Trump should challenge Joe Biden to a round of golf instead, eighteen holes, head-to-head, match play, mano a mano, winner take all — or almost all.

There would still be an election, of course. But surely the winner of the golfing tournament, called the Presidential Save Democracy Open, would surely have an edge going down the stretch or fairway.

Or it could be called the Geezer Golf Open since Trump is 77 and Biden is 81.

Either way, the idea of the two elderly golfing presidents facing off against each other surfaced after Biden mocked Trump for bragging about winning two club championships at the International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, which Trump happens to own.

“I won both,” Trump trumpeted.

Biden snidely commented, “Congratulations, Donald. Quite the accomplishment.”

This led golfing critics to sarcastically ask, “If you can’t win playing at a golf club you own, where can you win?

What was left out of the story was that critics said that Trump won those club trophies playing by himself.

Trump, who plays golf all the time at one of the golf clubs he owns, is no duffer, though.

“Duffer,” a derogatory golf label, is a name he would reserve for Biden — like “Sleepy Joe” and “Crooked Joe.” Now Trump would call him “Duffer Joe.”

Besides, Biden does not play nearly enough golf as Trump, except when Hunter Biden needs him to fill out a foursome of business partners with no one around to shout “fore.”

Of course, there would have to be certain rules agreed upon, like the site of the match, before the event could be held.

The pair could play at the neutral and iconic Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Ga., where the Master’s Tournament is played annually.

Trump would be safe there since it is outside of Fulton County, where troubled District Attorney Fani Willis is trying to prosecute him on election interference charges.

However, given Willis’ bizarre testimony and unusual prosecutorial behavior, it is more likely that she will be standing trial before Trump does.

Another rule concerns the use of golf carts and who drives them. While professional golfers and their caddies walk the course, you cannot expect Trump and Biden to follow suit. Biden can barely make it to his helicopter.

The course, after all, hitting from the back tees is 7,475 yards or 4.25 miles long. It is shorter hitting from the ladies tees.

And while the older Biden could request to hit from the ladies’ tees, it is something that Trump would never agree with, let alone hit from them himself, despite risking the women’s vote. It is a macho thing.

Also, you cannot expect that Trump and Biden would agree to ride in the same golf cart, squabbling over who would do the driving. So, they would need separate carts, not only for themselves, but for the horde of Secret Service agents dressed as golfers who would provide security and fetch lost balls from the woods.

Since critics have accused both of cheating at the game, monitors would be on the lookout for “foot shots.” That is when a golfer uses his foot instead of a club to get the golf ball out of the rough and onto the fairway.

Golfing and political lore have it that it was the favorite shot of presidential golfers Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, and no one dared call them out.

While Biden may appear to be at a disadvantage, it would be mistaken to sell him short. Golf is a mental as well as a physical game, and a golfer’s mental state and psychological outlook are as important as his putter.

All Biden has to do to rattle Trump is to show up at Augusta in his Whitey Bulger look-alike outfit.

The outfit has Biden decked out in an eerie-looking imitation of the late South Boston psychopath and killer Whitey Bulger, complete with a bomber jacket, aviator sunglasses, slicked hair, and menacing s look. Check the photos,

That would scare the bejesus out of anybody.

Peter Lucas is a veteran political reporter. Email him at:

President Joe Biden plays golf at The Buccaneer in Christiansted, U.S. Virgin Islands in 2022. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)
President Joe Biden plays golf at The Buccaneer in Christiansted, U.S. Virgin Islands in 2022. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

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