On a recent Friday night, around 200 people packed into The Dean, a bar in the Garment District, for drinks, throwback tunes and eligible men — New York’s finest, in fact.
Single first responders are the beaus of the ball at “Rescue Me,” one of the most popular and longest-running mixers from the events company Single and the City.
Firefighters, police officers and EMTs are the only men allowed in — hosts check their credentials at the door — and they get free drinks for the first hour. Women of all professions are welcome and encouraged to “snag yourself a hero.”
These events happen every few months at various locations around the city, with around 150 people turning out to each one. They’re primarily geared toward women seeking men but all are welcome.
The Dean in Midtown was packed on a recent Friday for Rescue Me.
Lena Wilson for Gothamist
Rescue Me was founded in 2008, and its fans say it has staying power for two big reasons: Dating app fatigue has singles clamoring for in-person meetups and the mixer taps into local pride for our finest and bravest, especially in post-9/11 New York City.
“I’ve always had a thing for men in uniform,” said Dee Carano, 34, a regular attendee, in a phone interview before the Friday event. “FDNY was a huge part of [my] growing up.”
Carano is from Middle Village, Queens, which she describes as a “blue-collar” neighborhood full of cops and firefighters, including many of her family members. She attended her first Rescue Me party about a decade ago and has met a few of her past boyfriends at the parties.
Carano said she returns to Rescue Me when she’s single, and particularly enjoys “being able to date someone that has such pride for their city.”
As for the guys, they don’t just stumble into these events.
A previous Rescue Me event.
Courtesy of Single and the City
They’re recruited by Amber Soletti, founder of Single and the City. She’s got her guest list down to a system and reaches out to past partygoers via email and text. She also sends faxes to all the firehouses in the city.
Soletti, who is married, jokes that she started Single and the City over a decade ago “to subsidize my dating life.” She wanted to see more specific mixers on the scene, so she created them. She met her husband at one of her own events, a party for tall singles called “Size Matters.” (Soletti is 5’10” and her husband is 6’7″ tall.)
Soletti said Rescue Me parties were inspired by her own positive experiences dating firemen, who she thinks are sometimes snubbed by women in the local dating scene.
“There is a set of women that would refuse to go to this event because they think these guys are just too blue-collar for them,” she said. “They want, like, a finance type. But a lot of firemen make really good money. These guys have amazing benefits, they have pensions. I think a lot of women are actually missing out on this.”
Soletti is now based in Austin with her husband, so she manages some of the New York City parties remotely. At the Friday night event, she had three local helpers greeting guests at the door.
At The Dean, floral, neon-backlit letters spell out “fortune favors the bold.” It’s apt advice for Rescue Me attendees looking to meet, and maybe date, an FDNY member.
To help break the ice, organizers offer the women cards with first responder-specific trivia. One example: “Firemen are allowed at least one conjugal firehouse visit in a 24-hour shift. True or false?” (False.)
Guests also get a red sticker at the door, and they’re encouraged to stick it on the first responder they find the most attractive.
“The guys love it,” Soletti said. “Guys will sometimes buy women a drink trying to win over their sticker. It’s kind of like a badge of honor for them to be walking around with the most red dots.”
Chris Fox, a 39-year-old firefighter from Yonkers whose friends nicknamed him “Foxy,” has been awarded his fair share of red dots as a Rescue Me regular. He said he likes the events because they remove some guessing from the dating game.
James and Claire Friedlander, pictured on the night they met at Rescue Me.
Courtesy of Claire Friedlander
“I’m outgoing as it is, but on any given night, if you’re going out to, say, a bar with your friends, it’s hit or miss if anyone in the room is gonna want to talk to you,” he said.
He also noted that it’s nice to meet women who are open to the demands of his job, with its intense hours and 24/7 on-call mentality.
For some, the red dots add up to real-life love. Claire Friedlander, 48, attended her first Rescue Me party in 2013, after trying online dating. “It just wasn’t for me,” she said. “It felt like online shopping.”
She went to a 2013 meetup on a whim, where she met Jim, a firefighter and air guardsman. They bonded by talking about hockey and, before they parted ways, she stuck her red dot on him. They now live in Brewster, New York, with their three children.
Friedlander said she hadn’t dated a first responder before Jim but she was open to trying. “I think everybody has the ‘Officer and a Gentleman’ vision,” she said. “It’s a man in uniform.”