I’ve lived in New York for more than 20 years and I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about etiquette and manners: where they come from, why we need them and what happens when they go missing. I’m so interested in this that I cohost a weekly podcast on this topic called “Were You Raised By Wolves?”
For me, etiquette starts with the simple acknowledgment that other people exist. From holding open doors to promptly sending those wedding thank-you notes (no, you do not have up to a year to do it) all etiquette rules boil down to this simple fact. And in a city with millions of people, this can sometimes be easy to forget.
So, without further ado, here are 10 etiquette rules to be most mindful of in New York.
Treat the sidewalk like a highway
Walking is our driving — if you wouldn’t do it on a highway, please don’t do it on our sidewalks. Do you drive on the wrong side of the road? Slam on the brakes in the fast lane for no reason? Make a sharp right turn across multiple lanes of traffic without signaling? Ensure nobody can pass you because you’re going at exactly the same speed as all the other cars you’re traveling with? No, you do not. Nor should you do it on the sidewalks of the city.
Be ready when you get to the cashier
Wasting people’s time is one of the biggest etiquette crimes in New York. One of the most maddening places to spot this behavior in the wild is while standing in line (or on line, if you please) at a deli or coffee shop when the person at the front hasn’t yet decided what they want to order. With great power comes great responsibility, so if you’re called on and aren’t ready to order, no problem — let the person behind you go next. And don’t be that person who isn’t ready to pay, either — have cash out or your phone unlocked and ready to tap so that the whole transaction is as quick and efficient as possible.
Remember: A Broadway theater is not your living room
There are lots of things that are fine to do in the privacy of your own home. But once you’re out and about, the rules change. This is particularly true at the theater, where everyone around you can both see and hear you, including Patti LuPone. So, silence your phones, put away the crinkly bag of chips and remember that when you’re in the front row near the conductor, you’re probably on camera and everyone backstage can see you, too.
Courtesy really does count on the MTA
Two objects simply cannot occupy the same place at the same time. This is not etiquette, it’s physics. As such, let people off the bus and subway first before getting on. And while we’re on the subject, please also take off your backpack off keep it down at your feet when the train is crowded to make more room for others.
Be mindful of noise
This place is loud enough, let’s not go out of our way to make it louder. If I had a magic etiquette wand (which is probably the one thing you can’t actually buy in NYC), I’d use it to require everyone to use headphones in public, especially on transit, in elevators and in bathrooms.
Watch what you’re doing with that umbrella
Move it up, lower it down and angle it to the side — it’s the obligatory rainy-day-sidewalk-umbrella dance. And as you’re exiting a subway station or bus, wait until you’re completely out and totally clear before opening your umbrella. Yes, you will probably get a little wet, but that’s a small price to pay for being polite.
Wait before taking out strangers’ laundry
When using a shared laundry room, be back on time to get your stuff out of the machine as inevitably there will be somebody else who needs to use it. And for those waiting, it’s important to give a grace period before just yanking out a strangers’ laundry. Unfortunately, we as a society haven’t yet agreed on a specific number of minutes that you must wait, but I think it’s at least five. Or should it be 10? It’s definitely not zero.
Ask for directions with a short, complete sentence
If you get lost, the best way to get a New Yorker to stop is to make it a complete request. We never want to get sucked into a scam or a solicitation and are likely to ignore an ask that begins, “Excuse me, I have a question.” If you want quick answers, try this instead: “Excuse me, which way is Cortlandt Alley?” That will almost certainly get you pointed in the right direction.
Leave celebrities alone
We love having famous people among us and don’t want to scare them away, so if you spot one in the wild, help New York remain a safe celebrity habitat by simply pretending you don’t notice. Don’t take any sneaky photos of them. But you’re welcome to privately text everyone you know about the sighting later on.
No ghosting restaurants
Snagging a restaurant reservation in New York is now harder than ever. And so it’s super rude to both restaurants and your fellow diners if you make a reservation and simply don’t show up for it. If it’s not them, it’s you, and you’re just in different places in your lives, don’t ghost. Let the restaurant know so that they can move on and start to see other people.
Do you have specific etiquette questions? Leave them here.
